The Secrets of Eden
by sweetiiey
Summary: Edward and Leah started a sexual relationship when the frustrations of their lives become too much in a way to let out steam. A/N in this story Jake never ran away Disclaim: of Twilight Saga and its Characters
1. Sweet Release in Secret Meetings

**A/N know starting a third story when I'm not even finished with the first two is a bad idea, but kind of have writers block on the other two plus always wanted to do a Leah/Edward story – good thing seeing that their aren't enough plus they would be so perfect together XD**

**Ps. Here are my Leah and Edward XP **

**Leah (but picture her with a hair cut)**

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**Edward (but with bronze hair and topaz eyes…and pale skin)**

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**CHAPTER 1**

**~Sweet Release in Secret Meetings~**

Her hands grip the bronze hair as he bent down and bit almost hard enough to break her skin. She moaned as she felt those cold hands grip her hips as he thuds himself deeper into her. He made a sound between a groan and a growl that made his body vibrate almost making her come. This was their sixth 'meeting' in the place they first meet in a moment of agonizing weakness, but just as ruff, brutal and sinfully releasing.

They had yet to talk or actually say each others names or even insult one and other, afraid that if they somehow acknowledge the other they would break the spell that enveloped and set them free from the pains of their realties that had brought them together. They both knew that as soon as they left their conscious would come to life and scream at them to not come back, reminding them of the fact that they were moral enemies betraying not only their own kind, but their families. It was wrong what they were doing, yet they found themselves at the same spot every night creating forbidden steam.

By time it was dawn she lay on ground resting her naked body on top of his. Normally she would have been half asleep by now by a night of taking out her frustrations and pains on him, but she wasn't.

"I'm not doing this outside anymore." she stated startling him slightly by breaking the norm they had silently set, but he understood where she was coming from.

It was just a matter of time before one of her pack members - or his family discovered them by accident when they were patrolling, hunting or simply running.

"I have a penthouse apartment in Port Angeles." He replayed tracing invisible forms on her back.

"I wouldn't have cared if it was a crappy motel – as long as I don't have to bathe in another river before I go home." She snorted.

He had to smile at her tone knowing that she was actually serious. It was their fist convocation; three sentences fallowed by an address and phone numbers.

"What name should I put on my cell?" she asked holding her phone up.

_Issue number one. _

He was silent thinking of what would be appropriate.

"Anthony – it's my second given name."

"You could use my middle name too – it's Alicia."

Alicia and Anthony…

~...~...~...~

She never went to Emily's' with the others unless Sam forced her. It was a fact that everybody knew, so being that she was currently sitting in her cousins' living room you could pretty much guess she was not in a good mood. Even though she would never really admit it to herself she knew she was in a half as bad mood then she would normally have been in being here thanks to the calories she burnt a few hours ago.

"Why am I here?" she sneered glaring daggers past Emily.

"I know that we haven't been at the best turns last year or so…but…" the homewrecking bitch was testing the little of her patience she had for her.

"Stop wasting my time _Emily_" she snarled the name making it sound as the dirtiest word in the English dictionary.

"You know how we always said that we would be each others maids of honor at our weddings I was hopping that you still wanted to be mine" she said in a rush all the while looking at anywhere but her.

It was like something cracked inside of Leah the moment those words left her cousins' mouth. How dare she ask her to be her maid of honor with the same man that she was supposed to have married less then two years ago? She felt how her body was vibrating with the mare force of her anger and knew it wouldn't take long for her to transform. She wondered if she should match those ugly scars that tainted that _lovely_ face or plainly kill her on the spot. But before she even decided which she would enjoy more she found her body moving on its own out though the door faster then humanly possible before she transformed. Howling in great frustration, hurt and animalistic anger she ran towards the forest ignoring the worried thoughts of Jacob and Seth of what she might of done to the bitch.

~...~...~...~

Strange how they just knew where to meet when they hadn't spoken since the early morning hours. She hadn't called and neither had he but at exactly midnight he picked her up at the high way to Port Angeles. They didn't exchange any words just looks that simply stated that they both had a rough day.

Half way there he drove of the road parking it in a strange parking house.

"I though you said you had a loft or whatever in Port Angeles" the mare frustration of the day was clear in her voice.

"I do"

"So what are we doing here?"

He didn't answer just got out the car gesturing for her to fallow. She gritted her teeth and fallowed slamming the car door unnecessary hard earning her a hard glare which only made her smirk. They went down to the underground garage where he opened the passenger door to a sexy black Aston Martin **(A/N site to the car on my page and the on bottom)**.

"Nobody in my family besides Jasper knows about this car," he answered the silent question as she went in the car.

She didn't have time to even look around the flashy – and quite empty penthouse apartment of what she could tell in those two seconds before he had her pinned against the wall. His violent and hungry mouth and hands matched the desperate need she felt to get the pain and frustrations out. Neither bothered actually talking of their clothes, just ripped the offending fabrics right of. His ice cold hands felt like heaven against her burning skin, and even though it hurt as a bitch when he pushed himself right in without any type of preparation she felt…good. Physical pain felt so much better then the constant mental one, besides this relationship they shared had nothing to do with tenderness or love. If a situation came were they had to kill each other they would both do it in a blink only regretting that they lost their temporary escape…why? They weren't stupid enough to get attached to somebody – or what they saw; _something _that was their natural enemy.

"Harder", she begged as she came closer to climax for every ruff push that were already breaking her.

_Make me forget. Take the pain away._

**A/N A bit different from the draft, but works XD**

**The Car (but imagine it Black)**

./2007/12/aston_martin_


	2. Heartfelt Addictions

**A/N have you ever noticed that after you write drafts that you actually change whole thing when you write the "real" story, essay or whatever?**

**CHAPTER 2**

**~Heartfelt Addictions~**

He wouldn't come tomorrow night he promised himself for what felt like the hundredth night in a row even though it was only the sixteenth as he changes into a blue dress shirt and khakis. He loved Bella to death, but he knew that her betrayal was what kept him going back to this bitter woman.

He didn't know what ate him up more; the fact that the betrayal of the girl he loved above all everything in this world had drove him to an extent of compromising his morals back towards his wild years, or the fact the girl he was in question he was having meaningless sex with was a shifter…

He hated the person he was turning into, even uglier then he was under those years he ran away from Carlisle killing people.

Why couldn't he just find what his family had found in their mates and be done with it? Most of all: why couldn't he just break it of with the human when the only thing that she was doing now days was breaking his heart? He was pathetic – he knew.

"When did you find out?" the Native American asked as she came out of the shower.

He knew what she meant, but still asked.

"About what?"

"Don't play dumb, _leech_! It doesn't suit you"

_What else can I do?_

~...~...~...~

"Don't Edward! I truest you – I know that you could never hurt me" she stated firmly as he pressed himself against the wall furthest from her.

_And I used to truest you, but look how well that turned out…_

"Don't overestimate my control, Bella", _I'm not perfect, you don't know hard it is for me not t…_"Please let just wait until our wedding night so that I will have time-"_get rid off the mental images of you and that…_"-prepare"

"Okay, Edward", she sighed trying hard to hide her irritation but not quit managing.

"Let's go downstairs – I'm sure Esme has prepared something for you" he opened the door dazzling her into agreeing not wanting to start another argument.

"Sure, sure" moments when she said things like that he was grateful for his vampire composure knowing full well the rage he felt inside would have made him destroy the entire door - if not the whole room.

'_Calm down Edward' _Jaspers thoughts told him. He was the only one he had told about the mongrel and _his _Bella. He knew that Jasper would never betray. The only one in this damned world that he trusted completely to a point he had told him about the she wolf. Jasper couldn't betray him simply because he had learned the hard way the value of truest and friendship.

"Is something wrong?" Bella worriedly asked when she noticed that he still stood by the door touching his arm lightly making him flinch away.

"I need to hunt – I have neglecting it all too long now" he hurriedly lied seeing the hurt look in her eyes adding a gentle smile reassuringly.

He hated the look she always gave him when he had to hunt even though it was as much for her sake as it was for his, but the mental images of her and the mutt that were flashing themselves behind his eyelids made it easier to ignore it. He didn't want to kill the mongrel - at least not tonight. He had vowed to not to even touch a hair on the flee bolls pretty head as long as she still wanted him around - even if it was slowly, but surely killing him like a virus constantly wondering when the day came when she would say that she had made a mistake and go to the dog for good.

'_Do you need me to come with you?' _Jasper thought as he passed the living room.

"No" he simply said in vampire speed and volume before speeding out the door not even bothering to shut it knowing that the mood he was in he would probably just break it anyways.

When he reached _the_ spot he took up his phone and pressed on speed dial.

"I know what you said about being outside, but…"

"Where are you?" she interrupted.

"At our spot" as soon as those words fell out his mouth he realized how very wrong they sounded, but the she wolf had already hanged up before he could change them.

It felt like forever before she finally reached the clearing, but when she did he let the animal that he had held up bay up until now out ripping her clothes to pieces while actually fighting her. He needed release, desperately. He felt like a crazed vampire attacking her as though she was the one who was at fault for all his self hatred. He just wanted to get the images of _them_ together that the fucking dog had deliberately showed him – both from when they actually did it and from his own filthy teenage fantasies.

He wrestled her down at the ground roughly holding her hands above her head as he pushed her legs apart with his knees and brutally forcing himself in the burning caves of her womanhood. Thrusting himself hard and carelessly - to far gone to actually care about the fact that he was practically raping her just needing to satisfy his own needs. When he finally came collapsing on top of her wanting to be able to cry, incautious enough to scream - anything just to get rid off the pain.

Why couldn't his loneliness just accept that he was not meant to find love and stop getting caught in these webs of tragedies?

First he had been too poor for the governors' youngest daughter, then too dirty for his sire to remain as his mate when somebody new came a long and then to late when it came to the only girl who never had and probably would never put him up on a pedestal. And now the girl he had placed all the pieces of his broken heart letting her piece them back together was constantly stabbing it.

Why did it have to hurt so much?

"Do you want to talk about it?" the she girl asked after a long while of silence breaking him from his trance.

"No", he answered knowing that she had only asked out of her own selfish need to know that somebody else was suffering as much as she did.

He held her tightly focusing this gaze at the star filled sky having no intention of apologizing to the were for his vulgar behavior earlier. He didn't need to make an already complicated situation more complicated by showing any other emotion towards the she wolf besides lust even though the guilt was nagging him.

"Next time we are having a fight warn me - that had happened to be one of my favorite shirts" she sneered after a while of silence.

She was lying, but he knew that it was her way of telling him that it was okay without really saying it.

He would come back tomorrow, and the following day and the day after that until the day of his wedding.

Why?

He needed her to keep him sane. With a relationship based on plain lust how could they ever betray one and other when before that there had been nothing there but hatred?

~...~...~...~

Two weeks had passed since his freak out and for each session of taking out their pent-up emotions it became easier for him to keep up his 'perfect' charade. He could pretend that a part of him didn't still love his sire, that he still couldn't completely get over the grudge he held against Esme and that he hadn't discovered that he had been utterly in love with Rosalie by the time Emmett come around and swiped her out of her feet. He could pretend that his suicide attempt had been only been about guilt and his love for Bella instead of also a last trail to see if Carlisle still cared. Most of all he could pretend that he wasn't still with Bella out of his terrifying fear of being alone again.

He loved her so unconditionally, but her betrayal had been the last straw of his fragile heart. If he hadn't found that bitter dog that night he would have without a doubt have gone and killed that mutt for taking what was his last chance of happiness before letting the pack kill him.

He wouldn't have regretted it – no he would have welcomed it with a genuine smile upon his lips. Death couldn't hurt him as much as his existence did.

"Why haven't I been able to see your future, Edward?" Alice demanded as they all went on the first 'camping trip' in months frustrated beyond reasoning.

He knew he couldn't have held off the pixie so much longer. He hated how meddlesome she was. Her power was practical in more ways then one, but she relied on it to much not respecting others need for _some_ privacy.

"I don't know, Alice – can you still see Bella's'?" he knew how to play his cards to his favor.

"When she isn't with the dog, but being that she is almost always with him now days – rarely" she wasn't happy about this not knowing that she stabbing him for each word she uttered. "DON'T TELL ME YOU FOLLOW HER! DO YOU KNOW HOW RISKY THAT IS – THE MUTTS WOULD KILL YOU IF THEY FOUND YOU AT THEIR LAND!"

Unintentionally in her hysteria she was giving him the perfect cover.

"You don't know how hard it is knowing that she is always with another man, always thinking of him," that wasn't a lie neither was the pain in his voice, "and hearing her calling out his name in her sleep with the implication that _he _is _hers_"

Alice sighed heavily. Not knowing what to say – which was rare for her before throwing herself at him making them both fall in the wet grass for once forgetting about the fact that they were wearing brand clothes.

"It will all be alright Edward - you two are meant to be" _Don't promise something you don't know for sure_ "Just promise to be careful - and _don't _do anything stupid"

"Promise"_ but I can't really do that on the stupid part seeing that I'm involved with the Alpha mutts ex…_


	3. Prisoner of an Unwanted War

**AN: It took me time to write this chapter being that didn't actually have a lot on the draft or a clear picture of it, but it turned out quite OK- not as good as the other chapters but works.**

**CHAPTER 3**

**~Prisoner of Unwanted War~**

When the leech had told her that he was going on a hunting trip with his leech 'family' she had thought that it wouldn't matter, that two days of no stress releasing sex was nothing when she had gone though two years without it.

She was wrong.

It had gone fine the first half of the first day, but then she had fought with Paul – which wasn't unusual by any means, it was just that Sam had to come and ruin the only type of stress release she was going to get under the day.

To put it simple: she snapped – _big _time. The situation didn't get better when Jacob transformed in the middle of the chaos thinking of the Swan Slut in not so…modest ways.

She got the punishment of two weeks of suspension of shifting and she had to re-read all tribal books and memorize them by the end of her suspension. Jake got away – per usual - and Paul got two weeks of nightshifts.

The only thing good that came out of the whole thing was that she got a real good hit on Jake-boys side breaking two of his ribs and Paul's right pawn.

She knew that she would only get more provoked, frustrated and plainly pissed then normal if she stayed in the rez more then she had to without any kind of relief, so she did the only thing she could think of: she left for Port Angeles. Seeing that the bloodsucker had given her an extra key she saw no harm in staying at him the pent house.

Knowing that if anybody saw her with her bag they would tell Sam who would find some kind of bull reason why couldn't leave La Push she sneaked out two hours before Seth's and Paul's shift ended stealing Jacobs bike. As soon as she was far enough to be able to get away if by some bad fortune –which she had plenty - Jake heard the motorcycle and decided to chase after her. She drove it as fast it could possibly take her.

She heard the howls of the wolves as she passed the border making her smirk at the face she imagined Sam would make when he realized that she was gone. She hadn't been cruel enough to leave without telling her mother Sue when she would be back (though a note all thou).

She wondered how much the limit was on _Alicia Masons _credit card was as she drove…

The leech was kind of stupid for giving her_ wolf_ a credit card when they were just sleeping together – not that she was complaining in any way just simply observing something that actually complicated their already complicated situation.

~...~...~...~

Her first day at Port Angeles she bought a yellow Lamborghini before driving up to Seattle and buying new and vintage furniture plus ordering imported cultural things from countries like India, Kina, Japan East Africa and the Middle East. To her credit the penthouse looked _really_ depressing with all the white and black, so she was practically doing the leech boy a favor.

Her second day at Port Angeles she decided to go shopping while she let the homeroom designer (plus help) she had haired the day before refurnish their…the leech's place, but before she went to any of the stores she hit the spa reasoning that it only seemed fair since she had actually improved their – why did she keep on referring the _leech's' _place as theirs? It was _his_ - she just went there to fuck. Nothing less and nothing more!

_His! His! His! His! _

She repeated those words over and over again. She was not about to get attached. She had already made that mistake one to many times, and doing it to again because of a bloodsucker – an attached blood sucker at that.

Shaking her head at her fucked up turns her mind was taking she tried relaxing into the massage, letting the magic of those fingers working themselves though her tense muscles.

Tonight when the leech came she was so going to take him to club Chock13 in the outcast of Seattle. It would mean scarifying a few hours of much needed release, but she loved listening to armature bands. In high school she used to go with her then best friend Evaline Barks every weekend, and in some (very) few occasions Sam would go with them to.

~...~...~...~

The down floor of the penthouse was pretty much done by the time she came back finding most of her shop sprees' delivered. Jugging from their work so far she would have to call for them again when the ordered stuff from overseas finally come. She had planned that every bedroom would have a theme from a country during a specific time of their history.

Taking a long shower she took her time preparing for the night having nothing better to do. For the first time in a long while she felt a sense of calm. Maybe it wasn't so much per say, but it was still there making her breath a bit easier.

When she had lubricated her body richly she put on – with difficulty – black ripped stockings and a white loose tunic. On her right wristed she put on a big (fake) leather rivet bracelet and a long empty tag necklace.

She made her eyes look smoky with dark colors and put on blood red lipstick. Her hair was up in a messy bun. The hills of her red pumps could probably kill some body – and break her legs if she wasn't careful enough, but they made look bad ass and unquestionably sexy.

She knew the leech would come some time after midnight so after painting her nails she took one of the tribal books she had bought with her against her better judgment and began to read. She had nothing against reading just against doing anything Sam wanted her to without the alpha command, and besides the books were dread full to read being that they were actually written Quillayute. Being Harry Clearwater's', one the elders, she had obviously learnt the tribal language by a young age, but it didn't make it less difficult to read them.

She wasn't surprised when she fell asleep on the sitting room couch half through the first book which wasn't more then a 150 pages. She was all thou surprised by the cold lips that woke her from her deep slumber. Normally she would have toughly abused whoever dared touch her - more so when the touching woke her from the sweet unconsciousness that would never hurt her, but for some reason she didn't feel the need even though her werewolf senses were practically screaming at her to either fight or flight.

"Don't you know it's quite dangerous to ignore your instincts?" an amused velvet voice asked above her.

"And don't you know it's quite dangerous to wake a sleeping wolf?" she asked tiredly opening her heavy eyelids only to find him mare inches from her face.

"Here I thought I was simply awaking sleeping beauty from her hundred year slumber…" he said in mock hurt giving her crooked grin that she knew should never be directed at her.

But before she had time to think more about it she felt his ice cold hand on her thighs traveling painfully slow up to her heat. Their eyes were locked making it harder for her to resist and remember the plans for tonight.

"Did you really think that I wouldn't punish you for re decorating _my_ place?" he asked in an unnerving cold and predatory voice, and if it wasn't for the eyes giving him away the shiver running though her body would have been from actual fear rather then excitement.

Upon hearing her thoughts he growled and ripped of her new tunica with his razor sharp teeth while his hands made the rips in stockings bigger. She wanted to complain point out that they had made a deal on their 16th meeting to not destroy one and others clothes unless…

"That was only if we fought, mutt," he growled nipping and biting making sure that he was leaving marks while hurting her as much as possible with his mouth without actually drawing blood.

When they were this intimate for some strange reason their different scents didn't repulse them. No, in their agonizing moments of desperate need creating the sweetest kind of steam the scents that filled their lungs, confused their minds and soothed their restless hearts brought them as near heaven they could both ever dare hope for being so lost in the endless stream of sin.

As his cold alleviated her burning body drowning it with forbidden lust she forgot everything anything that wasn't related to them in this moment of heat. This was so wrong yet it felt as nothing in this world could be better the feeling off his sculpted body that couldn't be compared to anything else then a Greek gods.

Her legs locked themselves around his waist as he shred the only remaining fabric on his body which was his brand name boxers and pulled out the two fingers he had tortured her with making her whimper before he pushed himself in making them both moan with pure pleasure.

It had been too long since their last time. She merely wondered in her lust filled hazed how they were going to survive when the time came when they had to part when two nights made every reaction, touch and sense so much intense and desperate. It was still harsh and so far from actual tenderness you could get, but it was good – it was them.

~...~...~...~

A week had gone by and she was still in Port Angeles, and still hadn't gone to club Chock13. Every time she dressed up and prepared convinced that 'tonight' would be the night she would drag the stupid blood sucker to the club he just had to seduce her. She knew was a good lay… Okay maybe it really didn't only have to do with that fact, but it wasn't her fault that Jake-boy and the Swan slut had grown closer under his two days hunting trip with his 'family' so she didn't the reason why _she_ had to suffer – maybe not directly suffer suffer, but she just wanted to go to that damn club at least _once_. The world wouldn't go under if they just went out one night and skipped one night of time stopping sex.

"Where are you, Leah? You have to come back - Sam is furious!" Seth wined making her regret picking up his call.

"Stop wining, twerp!" she sneered tiredly stretching herself out on the Victorian bed. "If I knew if you were just delivering the mongrels bloody messages I would have never picked up!"

She was lying. She had a week spot for her brother – everyone did. It was something she nor the others could help with his go-happy attitude and caring nature which they both shared under happier times.

"I'M NOT! I'm just worried about you Lee-Lee…everybody is," she snorted humorlessly at that. "I'm serious! It's not like you to just randomly leave without even saying a word, plainly leaving a small note that mom was _lucky_ enough to find. And I _know _that you are never home at nights now days…please just tell me what is going on with my big sister Leah…"

He sounded pathetic, but she knew that he wasn't bullshitting her – at least not the part when it came to himself. He cared… She hadn't even thought that anybody had noticed her nightly trips. The tribe had done nothing besides gossip, pity and at times laugh at her since her breakup with Sam. How she wished in this moment that she hadn't lost her abilities to show gratitude and care, but most of all love... All three emotions she had long gone forgotten _how_ to feel.

She knew without a doubt that the moment she opened her mouth she would hurt her brother with the knife of a tongue she had gotten as her sorrow grew into ruthless bitterness. She loved him – at least she knew that she did beneath the amour and wall around her heart, but she could help but to hurt him. As she couldn't help but to want to hurt others as bad as she had been. It had become part of her nature; carelessly hurting others only to feel worse later.

**Will put up the pictures for the Penthouse Apartment when I finish chapter 4 which I promise will be better XP**


	4. Tragedy Loves Company

**AN: what can I say…I had to much ideas for this chapter, but it I actually like it even though there aren't really any smut in it…**

**CHAPTER 4**

**~ Tragedy Loves Company ~**

He really didn't find it comfortable at even the mare thought at spending the night at a hot stuffy place with a bunch of humans, but the she wolf wanted so desperately go. He knew by her thoughts that even though she did indeed like their nightly session of disgracing their family honors she was getting more and more impatient and it would be only a matter of time before it would go out on their…_thing_. A part of him wanted to call it a relationship, but labeling it as such would make it too interment.

Mentally shaking his head he toned back to whatever crap movie they were watching. How Bella was able to convince him that they should have a movie night together with that damn mongrel was beyond him. How the hell did she come to the conclusion that her fiancé and lover could – or should rather get along was a good idea was even harder for him to comprehend. He seriously considered if she needed professional help on the difference between good intensions, bad intensions and simply idiotic ones.

He knew she was trying to clear the hostility between the two families – or species (which ever you prefer) – by trying to bring together those of them that had the most differences, not knowing that it was impossible out of the fact that he _knew_. And even if she didn't know that he knew he found it hard to ever imagining the disgusting mutt and him ever anything less then enemies.

'_Why haven't you done anything yet, __**leech**__?' _The said mutt mentally asked as soon as Bella had gone to the bathroom. '_Or are you too scared?' _

"I haven't done anything yet because we both know that if I would ask her to never see you again she would - so why not humor you before she is changed?" he wasn't as confident nor as calm about this subject as his indifferent face or voice indicated, but it didn't matter as long as the _dog_ believed him.

A predatory growl came from the mutt, but he just raised a superior eyebrow barely giving him glace. He wondered if he would be strong enough to fuck the she wolf _only_ once before they went to that club she wanted to. Suddenly he felt himself be thrown of the chair and saddled by a very furious dog strangling him fighting hard not to transform.

"What? Can't handle the truth?" he couldn't help but ask in mock innocence as a sadistic smile spread itself upon his lips.

Even though he felt the violent vibrations of the mongrel he knew that with in less then a second Bella would reach the sitting room and see exactly what _B__lack_ was doing and lash out on him not even considering that Edward could have anything to do with his lost of temper until _much _later.

~...~...~...~

"So you still watch her sleep?" Jasper asked him as he stepped into the room through the window.

He was sitting on the rocking chair. It wasn't later then 10.30pm. He wasn't as ashamed to have put a sleeping pill in her drink earlier as he supposedly should have been. It was a strange sensation not to feel guilty about something he did which was more or less morally wrong.

"I like getting an honest insight of what she really thinks and feel," he replied as Jasper slid down on his lap.

He was too used to Jasper invading his personal space to give the gesture much thought and simply put his arms around the other males' waist. Leaning back he felt Jay shift so that he laid his upper body against his and his hid head in the nape of his neck. If had been any other person Edward would have been more then a little uncomfortable with the position but since the first time they met there had been a bond there that nobody could really understand nor ever come between.

They always could find time for each other even if it was through thoughts, emotions or looks. The way they understood each other were like two pieces of a whole - not actually needing their powers to understand exactly what the other was feeling or thinking. They loved one and other beyond anything in the world or universe, but they could never become lovers. They shared an intimacy so much deeper then that that it made it impossible for them to cross that line which they bother more then one occasion thought about crossing.

"Why are you still with her if it hurts you so much, Ed?" he hated that nickname but because it was Jay he didn't feel the actual distaste of any nicknames directed at him just the rather mild sting of irritation.

"Why are you still with Alice even though she controls you like you're her lapdog or something?" he asked back knowing he disliked this subject.

"Because I love her" he replied coolly turning his head so that his lips were just were his pulse point should have been as a silent warning if he pushed the matter.

"So do I Bella" he drew Jasper closer letting his presence alone dissolve some of the despair that clenched his heart every time he acknowledged the fact or when she stated that she felt the same.

"Then why haven't you changed her yet and get rid of that mongrel's' presence for good?"

"Why haven't you formed the bond that will tie Alice and you forever like Rosaline and Emmett…and Carlisle and _Esme_?" he never hid his distaste for the over motherly vampire when they were alone.

There was a long silence that followed. Not an uncomfortable one – there was nothing as such between them – only one that said so much more then they could.

Edward couldn't change her – beside his moral dilemmas – because he feared that she would hate him when she _finally_ understood the true nature of vampirism and the extent the sacrifices she would have too take. He was using Jacob in his own way because of his cowardliness for the uncertainness of the future which wouldn't guarantee him that she wouldn't leave him when he had already ensured his eternity with her – as Carlisle had once done him.

And Jasper hadn't formed the 'mate bond' with Alice yet because he wasn't sure if his destiny lay with the Cullen's' – where by Alice was _**sure **_she _had_ found the place she could call home in the Cullen's'. He couldn't stay by her side forever if in the long run it didn't run back to the Cullen's' even though by all means he wasn't planning to go back his true diet. He knew that one day the overwhelming need to leave the birdcage would take the better of him, and he wasn't sure that when the time came if he would be able go back to this shell of himself.

'_I love you'_ Jay thought getting his head up so that they starred right into each others eyes in the darkness.

He put his forehead against his blond half and made sure to focus everything he felt for him and sending them towards him. Their lips moved so that they were a mare inch from one and other, but they would never meet. Talking a deep breath before he raised Jasper offered him one of his rare smiles.

'_You should go and take Leah to that club while it's still quite early; I know she will appreciate it' _

"Maybe, but it will…"

"…complicate things – I know" Jasper finished for him smirking.

~...~...~...~

For the first time since they had started their _thing_ he saw true smile on the shifters red painted lips. She was wearing sinfully tight and short black leather skirt and thin white v-neck blouse with six inch heels, making his slim jeans more uncomfortable they already were after walking in on her dancing the most sensual type of ballet he had ever seen in her underwear. She looked absolutely stunning, and even with the tongue piercing she had gotten beginning of this week she had managed not to look the least bit slutty.

Her dark stormy eyes were shinning with the excitement as she dragged him towards the lift. She didn't let go of his hand until they had to get in the limo. He decided that considering this was her last night away from her tragedy that he could as well go all the way. She had made his penthouse warm and homey so this was the least he could do – at least that was the only reason he let himself to think of.

"So _Anthony_ you haven't told me what you think of my outfit yet," she drawled his middle name having a sly smile on her delicious lips.

"Because I'm trying hard not to look at it – it's already hard enough not attacking you right here and now _without_ looking at you,"

She snorted at him, but she understood. She was also - according to her thoughts - fighting the urge to jump him knowing it would be near impossible to not start their almost endless session of earth moving sex – she _really_ wanted to go to that club.

"What's so special about it?" he couldn't resist asking after a while.

"Beside the music?" she averted her eyes and looked out though the window. "It was where Sam and I shared our first kiss and where he told me he loved me…"

"…so everything goes back to him in the end?" he asked in twirling their hands looking anywhere but her, just wanting to show her without really saying it that he understood.

"NO!" she snapped removing her hand from his before sighting. "Why is it so hard to let go of the past?"

"Because it's constantly there mocking us – never letting us truly runaway from it," he answered letting her take back his hand and in twirling them again.

"We are such pathetic creatures…" she laughed dryly.

He couldn't help but agree.

Lucky for them the gateman recognized Leah so he let them in ahead of the people that were lined up outside when they reached the Club. It was bigger then he had thought, and the crowed so much thicker then he anticipated or hopped for, but being to close to the she wolf he soon forgot about his blood lust. They danced moving to every beat of the stereo loosing themselves more then they had since their first time when he came back. It was releasing and extraordinary. He hadn't done anything close to this except for his years away from Carlisle. But he wasn't surprised when they found themselves at the back at the club making out and humping desperate for each other.

He was al thou surprised when a big bulky guy came and interrupted them realizing that he had been for the first time to distracted to notice anybody coming. They left laughing despise how uncharacteristic it was for both of them.

They held hands as they started walking toward no where precisely. They took in the night calming down for each step and breath they took.

"Sam never used to like going there..." she told him after a while of peaceful silence.

"It seems that you have gone there quite some times of what I could hear from the guards and bartenders thoughts"

"I used to go there with my best friend Evaline every Friday and Saturday when I was in High School before sh..." an agonizing scream interrupted her.

He didn't exactly know what took over him but he knew though the thoughts of a little girl that he couldn't ignore the desperate pleas for help.

"Change!" he ordered her as he took of not leaving her an option but to obey.

He broke though a window in the ground floor apartment in an old worn-out building and tore of the _vampire _that was just about to violate an unconscious Latin woman around Leash's' age. Without saying anything he signed for Leah to take care of the vampire knowing that she would be able to as long as she used the shock the vampire was in to have been interrupted and seeing what he thought was a true Child of the Moon, while he took the woman bridal style before going to the closet where he knew the little girl was with her pet.

"It's alright - you are safe now," he said in the most soothing voice he could muster under the situation as he opened the closet door containing the shock of seeing the baby tiger wrapped protectively around a little girl who couldn't be more then five growling.

The tears falling from her eyes were heart breaking as she looked at him uncertainly before finding whatever she was looking for and standing up with shaking legs with the tiger closely beside her not letting him go with his eyes. Both the little girl and the animal were petrified of him, but something made them both trust him even though their self prevention instincts were so much higher then grown up humans. He knew whatever he was doing was a _really_ bad idea, but even though he believed that he was a soulless monster – he wasn't cruel enough to leave the helpless child in the situation he found he in.

**AN: my chapters just get longer and longer… it's a good thing I guess XP **


	5. Unpredictable Complications

**AN: having a slight panic on how this story is unfolding considering its coming further form the original draft, but I guess as long as I still have the motivation and **_**ideas**_** for it I'm fine, right?**

**Btw thanks for all readers/followers out there I love you guys 33**

**XP**

**CHAPTER 5**

**~ ****Unpredictable Complications **~

She never liked listening too commands, but she found herself changing as soon as the vamp uttered the word grateful for the fact that it was too late and to far from the city for unwanted witnesses. Running at full speed blocking out her thoughts from the only two members that were changed for the moment – Jared and Quil – focusing hard too only look at the ground as she fallowed the Vamp's' sent.

He broke though a window of what as she saw of an abandoned building before she even had time to jump after him or even register the smell of another leech she saw it flying her way almost as stunned as she felt before it got a terrified expression realizing exactly what it was about to crash into. She would be lying if she said that she didn't feel the impact of the leech when it knocked her down, but the knowledge of what would exactly happen if she didn't use the temporary state of the something in-between chock and fear the bloodsucker was in to her advantage when she knew for some unknown and creepy reason that vampy wouldn't come to her res…assist her she ignored the temporary pain throwing it off herself. She didn't even wait for it to land properly before she launched herself at it and ripped its head off before continuing to every piece of the leech she could get herself at.

She hated the metallic sound of the whole process that always seemed to be at the verge of giving her sensitive ears tinnitus.

She transformed back to her human form as soon as she was sure the leech wouldn't be able to re-attach himself before she had found any matches and bitched at vampy for giving – or rather throwing at her the dirty work. Not bothering herself with any act false of modesty considering that vampy had seen her naked more then Sam had under their relationship – not what she had with vamp could be categorized as anything _near_ a relationship…

Getting inside the building though the leech had created when he flew out the window she tried to suppress the nausea at the blood covered two room apartment whit pieces of body parts of at least fifteen people were spread out everywhere. Vampy was cuddling a little girl protectively in his arms hiding her from the gruesome sight as he stood beside a still figure on the couch with a baby tiger at his right foot. His eyes were pitch black, and he was obviously not breathing. Her wolf instincts were roaring at her to take the child and the figure at the bed that according to the weak heart beats was still alive and run as far as possible from the _very_ dangerous predator, but as normal when it came to the vampire she ignored them. Why she trusted him so much when she knew her instincts were rarely wrong was as much of a mystery as too why she was still pinning over Sam when she knew that it was a long lost battle.

"You should really learn to listen to them some times, puppy?" she could tell that it hurt him to speak but still gave him a heated glare just for the affect.

"We have less then five minutes until the leech retouches himself vampy so you better get out with the kid and the animal – I will take the injured…woman – before I put the pieces of the mother fucker in here and burning it down, okay ?" she wasn't asking but still didn't move until vampy gave her a curt nod.

When she reached the broken woman on the crouched the felt a sense of familiarity, but pushed the feeling aside for later not feeling up for another fight with leech nor risking the life of the child more then she was currently doing by ignoring what she had learnt since she was basically in diapers. She wasn't ignorant or naïve enough to believe that just because vampy and his 'family' had been animal eaters since who knew how long to ignore the fact that he could slip.

"Good to know that I'm not every ones saint," she faintly heard vampy mumble.

~...~...~...~

The silence in the taxi as they were driven from Seattle General Hospital was almost painful. Only the soft breaths of the little girl on the vamp lap could be heard and the baby tiger that lay snuggled tightly beside her. Leah's' mind was still trying to comprehend how that broken woman on the couch could have been Evaline Barks. How that nearly anorexic girl could have been that curvy over energetic BFF from her past was a fact her mind couldn't grasp… Had they both really changed that much since those four years ago when they lost contact? She knew that she was partly to blame for their falling out being so over consumed of Sam and their so called forever…but that bloody and boney figure had not been what she expected see when she saw her former best friend again.

"So that Latin girl in the coma is Evaline?" the vamp asked her as though he hadn't already heard and had it confirmed by her thoughts startling her slightly by breaking the tense silence.

She just gave him one of her harsh looks before nodding stiffly, not really feeling like maintaining a conversation.

"The kid…?"

"I don't know, _leech_!" she hissed she didn't mean to snap but the whole situation was making her emotion more of a jumble then normal, and the fact that she _cared _how she responded to the damn vampire didn't exactly help her decrease any of the turmoil.

"I have never smelt anything like her nor heard such clear thoughts," he said ignoring her tone and looked down at the little girl frowning.

"The tiger smells weird too," she stated looking down at the forms that seemed to have found their safe place in the vampire of all places.

"What should we do with them?"

"You told the hospital that she was _your _niece – so they are _your _responsibilities" she wasn't about to make her life more complicated just because the blood sucker decided to be heroic – even if the kid could be some how connected to Evaline.

"It's _your_ friends' kid…"

"She could be one of _leech's' _dinners!" she interrupted spitting the things name with as much venom at it actually made the vampire slightly wince.

"…What did you expect me to do?" he asked in barely a whisper holding her eyes with his in a steal grip. "I couldn't leave her there! Or are you that selfish enough that you would have rather had that human murdered with the mare child then just to avoid making _your_ 'life more complicated'?"

She started shaking growling glaring viciously at the vamp, but stopped instantly when she saw the scared face on the little girl mad in her sleep as she shifted closer to the vampire. Clenching her jaw she took a deep breath though her nose.

"You better know what you are getting us into, Cullen"

He lowered his eyes and made slight jerking gestured that supposedly should be some kind of nod, but of what she could read from his body language he doubted very much so.

~...~...~...~

She woke up of the sound of a terrified scream. Her first instinct was to transform but the slight amnesia that fogged up her mind cleared before she had time to change, and instead she opened her eyes trying to cover her irritation the best she could after being awoken form her beauty sleep for the sixth time since they went to bed at dawn. She looked over to the little girl – who they had found out the night before that her name was Ayah – that sat up beside her head hugging tightly her tiger with big fat tears falling down from her eyes.

How she hated situations like this. She hadn't done stuff like comforting since her days with Sam – and before that. It felt strange and plain out wrong. But the kid had gone though a traumatizing event and even she wasn't cruel enough to ignore the child – even though this was the _sixth _time – and go back to sleep. Sitting up at the back board of the Victorian bed she carefully brought the child in her arms making sure that her head lay side of her chest having heard that the sound of a heart beat was supposed to be calming as she made smoothening motions on her back whispering, awkward, comforting words. After a while she started rocking her as though she wasn't any more then an infant. The baby tiger whose name was Jason lay as closely he could get to Ayah and her looking sadly at the little girl.

She was still half asleep, but the question that she had been avoiding since they had rescued the little girl was becoming harder to ignore. Because really how was she going to explain this child to the tribe?

As she they eat their breakfast at the ground floor watching SpongeBob she was trying figure out a game plan that would cover both the leech - that the whole pack unquestionably knew about by now - and the kid. She took a side glance at Ayah trying in vain to find an answer in her small figure. She was like beautiful doll. Her dark hair curly with mahogany highlights and her eyes that had that matched the highlights…but those eyes were not of a child's' – they were too deep, too full of wisdom beyond her years and they were to full of secretes and hidden despair to be...normal.

"What are you?" he heard herself ask before catching herself.

Ayah turned and looked at her straight in her eyes, a flash of unnerving blue could for a split second be seen in those orbs as she tilted her head questionably – whether it was sincere confusion or not she wasn't sure. She knew the little girl would not answer considering that she hadn't said a word since they found her, just written down her own name and the tigers when they asked _neatly_ on a piece of paper before stretching her arms out to vampy silently asking to be carried again. What was stranger with the whole thing was that he couldn't read her mind after they came from the hospital only got a fucking _headache_ when he tried.

Freaky was only one way to describe her, but Ayah was distractingly cute making it easy to forget about both her freakiness and weird smell.

Sighing she gave up deciding to let the subject go…for now. The doctor said that she would eventually start talking when she was 'ready', but looking at those eyes she could tell that she hadn't talked even before the massacre.

"Vam… I mean _Anthony_ said that we should get some shopping done before we go back at the rez, so will go after your done…okay?" she hated feeling so insecure, but the kid had that affect on her when she looked at her.

"…" Ayah nodded after a long look before going back to watching SpongeBob.

~...~...~...~

She hanged up on vampy when the cab stopped outside the Clearwater resident waking Ayah up carefully who had long since slumbered at her side along with her pet. It was strange how in tuned the cat animal was with the five year old, but that was just another thing she stored for later inspection. Tired blue eyes looked up at her before they returned to their normal mahogany color. The driver that had seemed to have the hots for her and mistook _her_ as Ayahs mother came over to her side before she even had time to grip the handle opening the door form them. Noticing that nobody had come out from the small two story house to look who 'the guest' were she sights in relief. Figuring her mom was at the Blacks and her brother at _Emily's'_ she calculated that she had at least an hour or so before somebody who saw the cab going to the Clearwater's' reached Sue.

After the cab driver had helped get everything inside she paid him including the extra for the 'wild' animal giving him a burning glare daring him to ask for her number. The moron actually took her dare with an ugly yellow grin smile.

"How about you, me and dinner?" he actually thought that she would accept his offer.

Did she really look _that_ desperate?

"I rather do a hundred year corps then even _look_ at you five more seconds," she sneered letting her bitchiness on full display showing that she was completely serious.

"Bitch" he spit turning to leave.

"You have no idea," she shot back talking Ayahs hand from her leg and leading them inside from the porch.

The kid had just watched the whole scene with an aphetic face only pointing at the fridge with a remotely more interested face when they pasted the small kitchen.

_Gosh, this place felt like a prison after two weeks in the penthouse!_

"Do you want a snack or something? "She asked already knowing the answer having discovered during the day that Ayah had a healthy appetite of a wolf, in other words like hers.

She made the kid a sandwich and gave her a glass of orange juice too go with it before she put the groceries that she wasn't going to use in the fridge. She hadn't cooked since her break down after she found out about Sam and Emily, but she was still fairly confident with her skills having memorized more cook/baking books she even bothered remembering. Cooking/baking had always soothed her soul, but she had lost her passion the moment she walked in on her cousin and then so called fiancé fucking.

Putting on the radio on the highest volume she started cutting the onions but abruptly stopped when she realized how exactly she could get away with at least half the trouble she was in. An evil – and creepy - grin plastered itself on her face.

They were in the middle of a pack meeting close to the boarder when they smelt _it_. They hadn't smelt _it_ in years. They felt how the drool filled their mouths before even one of them had time to comprehend what they were doing they found themselves following their Alpha towards the Clearwater resident. They had barely had time to transform back and put on their shorts before they forced themselves into the house and into the kitchen.

"The plates are on the table," Leah told them without turning around as she was taking out a big apple pie from the oven.

To focused on Leah's' famous – right out legendary - food they all failed to notice the unfamiliar scents and figures by bench their female pack mates' right side. It wasn't until they all wolfed down at least seven plates each Quil saw them.

"Who is the little girl with the tiger?" the moment that question left Quils' mouth everybody's head turned toward where Quil was looking.

It looked more then a bit comic. She would have probably laughed if that move hadn't put one of the subjects she was trying to postpone on the spotlight. Putting on the best combination of a bitchy and nonchalant face she said the first lie that come up to her mind having not been able to figure out anything decent earlier.

"Her parents died and I'm apparently her godmother - so I got shared custody together with her other guardian," her voice was annoyed and board she figured the die part _could _at least be true forcing the panic down.

"_So_ that's was _why _you disappeared," Seth chirped.

"Who in their right mind would let you be their brats' godmother?" Paul laughed only to end up choking himself on the chicken.

_Serves the bastard right _

She forced the hurt down, but before she had time to sneer back at the jerk Jake asked something she had completely forgot about.

"Where is my bike, bitch? I know you stole it!" even though Jacob was furious he was still shoveling down the food hitting and growling at anyone who got in his way while he refilled his plate at the same time shoving.

"I-" she only got one word before Sam's condescending and over controlling voice abruptly stopped to the loud chattering.

"Whoever the girls guardian is you have to return her!" he sounded as though she had stolen her or something "You can't keep her. It will only be a bigger burden on your mother and us - pack mates. You aren't even responsible enough not to make a rash diction in the middle of a battle nor work _together_ with the pack; how the hell did you figure that you would be able to raise a child?" she suppressed the urge to right out punch the fucker and prove him right.

Licking her lips and showing a flash of her tongue piercing she looked down biting the inside of her under lip as she let the tears fall slowly from her eyes knowing that they were waiting for her to explode. Taking a deep breath she looked up at the Alpha with a shaky smile upon her lips.

"Guess your right….I mean what was I thinking, my chances of even having a child were low before I changed and are now none existent; what could I ever know of raising a child when I can't even seem to..." she didn't continue just turned around from her shell chocked mates and picked Ayah up. "Sorry, Ayah…Lets take you to Anthony…and away from…' The Ice Bi…Queen' herself"

The kid was also shedding silent tears, but for some reason she just knew that she was just following her lead. She was going to use the only weapon she had on Sam so that he wouldn't use his Alpha slavery shit on her and go back to Port Angeles. She was tired of being treated as though she wasn't anything more then a mare child who the only thing she could accomplice was some mean comments and fuss. She triturated as much to the pack as any of the male baboons. They had _no right _at all to look down at her.

"Leah…" Sam guiltily tried.

"Save it Sam, I'm just going to call a taxi and her godfather – with in the hour she-" _we_ "- wll be gone and we never have to speak about this again"

The hurt in her voice though the whole act wasn't pretend, but they would all think so when they realized that she wasn't coming back, at least not for a _good_ while, and that was all that mattered.

**AN: this chapter ended much different then I originally thought XP will edit when I have more time...and less homework**

**Ps pictures are on my profile**


	6. Carnival of the Broken and Lost

**AN: Finally DONE! Sorry for the wait but fuck this chapter was **_**hard**_**. I was **_**so**_** insecure of where I wanted to go with it just that I needed some smut in it XD **

**CHAPTER 6**

**~ Carnival of the Broken and Lost ~**

"I don't get how anybody could be so selfish," it was all he could do not to sights when she started this topic _again_.

It had gone a month since Leah abandoned the pack - or was it indirectly the other way around? Either way the mutts had spent every day since one and half months back when they realized that she may not come back, willingly, tracking her. Surprisingly enough Black was right behind her brothers' at the amount of anxiety he felt for the female shifters' disappearance. It was amusing at the amount of information and secrets he had found out during this short period of time being that their guard was low in their mist of worry, anger and sense of lost.

Bella on other hand despite her caring nature was becoming more and more aggravated and jealous of the female shifter; stating that her action was selfish, of all things, even though the obvious truth lay behind the fact that she didn't want to be second in the Beta mutts' mind.

"What so selfish about choosing to take care of an _orphan_ rather then staying with your family who shunned the helpless child away?" this time he could not help himself ask.

Being tired of hearing the same baseless accusation far too many times then his vampire hears should be required to. She glared at him as though he had betrayed her by asking what he saw was a quite reasonable question.

"The kid had another guardian, if she was so attached to it she could have gone and visit it," he fought hard not to growl at his fiancée referring to Ayah as an object.

For the first time since they met he realized that she wasn't as selfless as she seemed. Maybe...not even maybe; he _had_ put her as much upon a pedestal as she had him. Whenever she showed any sign ofhaving flawshe put the blame upon himself or found some other way to justify her actions. Why hadn't he seen it before? Why hadn't he noticed? And why hadn't anybody told him? Did they in fact only see what they _wanted_ to see in each other rather then _who_ they really were?

"What's wrong Edward?" her voice held the normal gentleness and warmth with only a hint of desperation - for what he didn't know.

He looked at her intensely and it was as though he saw her for the fist time. Before he even processed what he was going t say he felt his mouth move on its own accord.

"Why do you want to get married to me?" even though he could clearly see the confusion written all over her face and anxiety to where he was trying to go.

"Because you want to of course," _even though I don't_ was left unsaid even though it was always there when anything wedding related came up.

"And why do you want to be changed?"

"Because I want to be with you forever"

He took her hands in his and looked her straight in the eyes before the last question left his lips.

"And who am I, Bella?"

She had a deep frown between her eyebrows trying hard and desperately to find out _what_ exactly he was trying to say.

"Edward Cullen…" it sounded almost like a question.

"No, _whom_?" he pressed praying that she would give him an answer that would put his mind at ease even though deep down he _knew_ that he could never answer right to this question, not now at least.

"My perfect loving vampire boyfriend…and fiancé," she smiled at that not knowing that she had accomplished to break his heart with that one sentence. "What are you trying o say, Edward?"

"I can't do this Bella… I can't - I _won't_ marry you…" he hated how shattered she looked when he uttered those words he no longer could run away from.

"No…no. NO! You promised you wouldn't leave me again!" she was screaming hysterically.

He knew if they hadn't had the full attention of his family before they had it now. He was proven right when his door was violently swung opened by a furious pixie only milliseconds later held back by the blond empath.

'_DON'T YOU DARE EDWARD LEAVE HER!'_ the high pitched thought hurt his head but he didn't even turn his eyes from his broken fiancée.

"I'm not leaving you nor am I breaking up with you. I just want us to make such a big commitment and realize later that we are _wrong_ for each other-"

"Is this about what I said about Leah? I-" he shushed her giving her sad but as reassuring smile he could muster under the circumstances.

"No, Leah and her diction have nothing to do with _this_. Bella we don't _know_ each other"

"We DO!" she started listing up all the things they had in common and only 'good' things they knew of each other.

"That's not what I mean…we are constantly trying to be this image of our ideal selves when we are at each others presence, and I don't think that we can keep maintaining them forever. I love you and I don't want you to feel that you have to be a curtain way so that I will keep on doing so. I want to love _you _– _all_ of you; good, bad and ugly sides. I won't marry you until I see all of those sides of you and verse versa… Beside you still have to make up your decision about the mutt" he held up his hand when he saw her protest at the one thing he didn't want to bring up but had too while he still had the courage.

He was done with settling down with only a half of his love interests' hearts. With the month and a half with Leah and especially Ayah he realized that it was time for him to actually man up and take what he wanted and not just settle for the little he was given.

"I _know_," was all he said told her when she opened her mouth to defend the Beta dog and her relationship.

First she looked confused but then realization hit her in full force, but before she broke down more he stood up in vampire speed and climbed half way though his window.

"Let's go for a hunt, Jasper" he said casually as though he hadn't the most serious talk in his relationship with Bella, if not ever, in a way to reassure the others that he wasn't running away this time.

As soon as they were out of earshot and stopped Jasper shoved him against a tree locking his hands above his head and growled at him being only inches from his face.

"Okay, who are you and what have you done with Edward Anthony Mason?" Jasper asked seriously before his face broke though a radiate smile. "Fuck I don't know what that was but it was about time, Ed!"

Jay snuggled in to his arms as they sank down to the forest floor. He couldn't help but laugh. Ruffling the blond locks he savored in their softness. He wanted to tell Jasper that it was time for him to man up to Alice, but knew that his half would do it when it was the right time for _him_. Instead he asked something that had been on his mind quite a while.

"Do you want to meet my Ayah?" he asked talking a deep breath of the evening air.

He didn't know exactly when he started to view the rather odd little girl as his, but knew without a doubt that he loved her as though she was the daughter he never could have. She was the only one that could never let him down even though her stay wasn't really permanent.

_**6 Months Later…**_

Months had passed by fast since he broke of the wedding. He was spending more and more of his time in Port Angeles, but he wasn't nearly as bad as Jasper. Jay had even come to a point were he was with Leah and Ayah weeks without any type of contact to either the family or Alice. He wasn't surprised when the pixie cornered him even less when it was during a family meeting _without _Jasper who hadn't been in Forks for the past month instead having Bella there. He knew that his family was trying to fix things between his now maybe-still-fiancée, mostly so Carlisle, Esme and Alice. One out of the three more then the others (Esme), but _this _was a family meeting and _she_ had nothing to do with it. If Alice wanted to discuss Jasper and her problems with Bella she should sustain herself until they are at their own privacy.

"Edward we all know Jazz and you are close so where does he go?" _I swear I will tell Bella of the lack presence you have in my visions - I __**know**__Jazz's disappearances' are somehow related to yours._

He kept the emotionless face, not giving in to Alice's threat.

"You're his mate shouldn't you ask him yourself – I'm not going to involve myself with _**your**_ problems," his voice was cold, but it wasn't that he didn't care or anything rather that he knew as soon as Jasper had made his mind about _what_ he wanted out of the rest of his existence he would confront Alice.

"_Edward_," she hissed looking half crazed.

"Edward she has the right to know where her mate is," Carlisle calmly stated looking straight at him.

He knew that look. It was the look that his ex-mate always gave him when he was going to force him to say or do something he didn't want to. He refused this time to give in to _him_. To the same man that constantly kept on breaking his heart by a simple look, touch or even word. He wouldn't give in - damn the consequences. He broke the eye contact before he opened his mouth to speak.

"They haven't tied the bond yet – if they had we wouldn't be have this useless discussion," he saw the slap coming before he let Rose hit him.

Even though it hurt like a bitch he only looked emotionlessly at the woman he was supposed to view as his sister - he still loved her even though he loved his sire and even Bella more.

"Don't look at me like that you _all _know it's true," he refused to meet Carlisle eyes knowing that the moment he did his resolve would crumble.

"What's _wrong_ with y-"Alice was cut of by Bella's quiet and confused voice.

"What bond?"

He had forgotten that he hadn't told her about that yet. He had originally planned to tell her at their honeymoon or at least after her change. But seeing that neither of the two seemed be in the near (very unstable) future he didn't see the harm of telling her now rather then later. But _Esme_ beat him to it.

"It's a bond that vampires form when they plant to spend forever together in every form. They become parts of one and other in a sense; they feel each others pain, happiness and sorrows. It's a bond that makes you always know where your mate is, if they are in trouble and if they simply just need you. And if one of you ever die you will die with them-"

"-if you don't drain them after you have eaten their hearts-" Emmett added.

Esme gave him a warning glare not liking the less romantic part of the bond before she continued.

"-it's a bond made for lovers-"this time he was the one who interrupted her.

"-unconsidered of their respectively genders-" his eyed were concentrated out through the window so that he wouldn't look or even glace at his sires letting the other suspect something they never were supposed to know.

"-so that they never have to part" Rosalie finished gazing deeply into Emmett's eyes.

It laid a quiet stillness in the Cullen mansion as the human was processing the information.

"So why haven't…?" Bella started but thought better of it even though they all knew what she was asking.

It was something they all wondered besides him. He knew – he had always known even Alice knew though she rather be killed then admit it to anyone more so herself.

"Jasper doesn't want to…" the pixie surprisingly answered in her child like voice.

"But he loves you," Bella persisted as though love was _all_ that mattered in a commitment.

She was to naïve at times.

"I know, but for some reason love isn't always enough…but even though I can't see his future right know I know that we will form the bond when he is ready!" no body pointed out that it sounded more as though she was trying to convince herself rather then the other way around.

Even though Bella was far from sure were their relationship stood she grabbed his hand in an attempt to reassure herself that Alice and Jasper would never be them. But for the first time he felt next to nothing when she touched him just a slight tingle of the spark that first connected them. She felt cold compared to the fire that was Leah which constantly burnt him wherever that wild woman touched.

~...~...~...~

He knew the moment he left the Swan residence that he was being followed though the person who was following was keeping their mind blank from anything that wasn't their surrounding. He knew this mind as he knew all the shift of colors in his princess eyes. After sending a text to the others informing them that he wasn't coming he changed direction heading towards the mountain. When he reached the top he sat down at a big rock starring out towards the horizon.

"We both know that this isn't where you usually go when you disappear," Carlisle stated as he sat down next to him.

He knew better then to turn towards him.

"Sure it is," he answered his voice full of sarcasm.

After lightning a cigarette and taking a deep drag his sire grabbed his jaw forcing him to look straight at those eyes that had rejected him to coldly so many years ago blowing the smoke right at his face. He hated the smell, and Carlisle knew that.

"Didn't Esme forbid you to smoke?" he asked willing himself not to go into a coughing attack.

"What she doesn't know won't hurt her,"

"She will smell it before you even made it to the front door,"

"Since when have you ever cared what my mate thinks?" the smirk was cold and cut though his dead heart like knife.

"I don't," he tore his head out of the man that had once looked at him with nothing but love.

Guarded, but love none the less.

"Then shut up and let me enjoy the first cigarette I have had in months,"

They sat there in silence a while. He wished he could be in Port Angeles and playing hide and seek with Ayah and Jason (the tiger) instead of being here with _him_, yet he couldn't help but relish at the fact that he was _alone_ with the man his deceitful heart still loved. He was such masochism. He was letting himself crumble for every second he spent alone in the presence of this man.

"So who is she – or should I say _he_?" his sires voice startled him out of his mussing.

"What?" he asked confused.

"The one who you keep sneaking out to meet?" his voice was casual not reveling the well disguised anger.

Somehow this whole scenario remained him too much of when he first got interested in Bella. He thought of lying but knowing the doctor's temper was always quick to waver when he was involved and no one was there to witnessing it he decided against it.

"A fuck buddy," he blamed the vulgar langue on she wolf.

His sire didn't even flinch though they both knew that piece of information did not sit well with him less so the langue.

"So you're going back to that shameful part of your 'rebellious time'"

"You can put it in that way if you want"

"Why didn't you come to me if you are feeling hormonal?" he forced himself not to squirmier at the feel of his once lover hand high up his tight trying his best to ignore it.

This – _this _right here was why he couldn't get over this man. He didn't let him. Every time he got even close to he _had_ to do something like this making fall back at square one. Always giving him a piece, a taste of what he craved so desperately just to snatch it right back.

"What about Esme?"

"She wouldn't have to find out…and I know that she wouldn't mind as long you end up with Bella," the distaste for the human was clear even though neither his voice nor his face betrayed anything.

_The perfect poker face as always_, he thought sourly. Sometimes he wondered if the only reason his sire 'wanted' him to find a mate was really for the fact that he _was _worried over him and wanted him to find happiness_**or**_ if it was just because he wanted to decease his own guilt for leaving him as soon as a good enough _woman_ came in display.

"Could you live with constantly feeling her pain every time I got _hormonal_?" it was a rhetorical question being that the answer was far more then obvious.

"…I could try," Carlisle still said even though his thoughts clearly stated differently as he lightened another cigarette.

Edward chose not to say anything. He knew that his tongue would betray his buried desires. He hated this man he once could call _his_ but for some cruel unknown reason he loved him so much more. His so called kindness was the worst kind of cruelness when it came to him, Edward, yet it was also what kept him coming back for more – more pain. Who could he blame but himself when he _knew_ that the moment Carlisle decided to tie the bond with Esme – which he had denied him for so long – he had lost? He knew that if he let himself acknowledge the truth he had know since the start that he had lost before anything even had began. Carlisle would not have nor would he ever settle down with another male. It would mean betraying his late father more then he did when he turned into one of the creatures the man worked so hard to hunt and _kill_.

He should be happy that he at least had those few years with his sire all considered… He had his memories and even though the man in question didn't belong to him he was still a big part of his life, he had far more then most people had in his situation. He didn't have the right to complain even though the shattered pieces of his heart could be so easily thread though the eye of a needle.

As soon Carlisle had left he called Jasper, but is was Leah that showed up instead. He didn't exactly; mind he could take the sex as a mind release instead of…

The arms of the native came unexpected around him being the last drop for him to break down in dry sobs. He didn't have the right to cry he had known that Carlisle would have _never_ stayed with him - but he couldn't stop. It hurt. It hurt so much that he was sure that sooner rather then late it would eventually kill him.

Dying of heartbreak didn't seem as bad as constantly having it broken.

He didn't know how long he sobbed in Leah's arms before he started to rip off her cloths; he only knew that he didn't want to feel the pain anymore. This time was like every other time but some how it felt different all the same. Her fire seemed so much more in tenser, dangerous and all around soothing. If he wasn't so lost in his own emotions he would be trembling in fear of the amount of emotions instead of the red haze of raw lust. He nearly came at the mere touch of her hand on his member, making her playfully growl in disapproval. She teased him over and over again bringing him just to the edge before denying him the sweet release of releasing his seeds. He feverishly groaned, moaned and even whimpered, in more equations then he would care to admit. When she lowered her heat on to his pre-cum soaked member it took all his nearly perfected control not to cum at that instant. He couldn't hear a thought or a sound that didn't belong to either her or him as he thudded into her once, twice and came harder then he ever had in his existent. It didn't take long before they started the forbidden dance again, again, again and…again. Never resting or letting one and other go. They were one yet they were to separate beings completely lost in a valley of shadows of despair, self hatred and betrayal. Their lives were as different as black and white yet they crossed the gray bridge that was never meant to be found, but it was the steam that they created that kept them coming back betraying those who had them and those who one day would…

**AN: I'm not promising a early update considering everything that's going on in my life right now… BTW if anyone wants to be my beta just write to me but your grammar and spelling **_**must**_** be better then mine which we all know sucks considering my slight dyslexia… X(**


	7. Flames to Dust

**A/N know it has gone like forever since I last updated but I neglected my studies this week for u guys just so you couldn't say that I have forgotten my favorite story… **

**CHAPTER 7**

**~ Flames to Dust ~**

Edward left her by sunrise. She hadn't asked what had lead to his break down nor if he was coming back home. She knew enough of what Jasper had told her about the Cullen's – precisely so about Dr. Fake-Saint-Dracula, creepy-over-friendly-mummy-bloodsucker and psycho-fortune-cookie…leech – to know that whatever had happened tonight was their way of manipulating him back to their clutches. She guessed they were using guilt and/or his emotions against him which considering of his unfortunately…good soul? – Yes, she had said soul. Even though Edward was in-fact a cold and very much dead supernatural being it was an undeniable fact that he had a soul. She knew that now. She had known since the night she had found him in the disaster he had created in the middle of the forest with pitch black eyes full with sorrow, anguish and for some stupid reason self lothering and guilt even though she had not acknowledged it then. Anybody who looked in those deep eyes could tell that even if it did not make him any less of a murderous monster unconsidered of how much you tried to deny or justify him.

Pulling herself from her own thoughts she forced her body up towards the closes pond where she washed herself and scrubbed her skin with moss. Today was as good as any day to go back to the reservation, knowing that she couldn't avoid her family and pack forever unconsidered of how much she close herself from them and how long she hid inside a ridiculously big apartment in a life that would never truly belong to her. Having already buried her clothes at the mountains she knew that she had to walk naked to the raz until she had gotten control of her thoughts.

She had become much better to control them since her affair started that including her emotions when Jay had joined their little freak club, but she wasn't about to take _more _unnecessary risks. Her plan was simple; take her things, declare her independence and become the official shame of the tribe even though the mere thought of becoming more of an outcast than she already was hurt more then she cared to admit, but she had Ayah and Jason now …and to some degree Jasper and Edward too, and they needed her more. She would be fine. She always did.

She sneaked into Seth's luckily empty room. Assuming he had been in the night shift he wouldn't be back until twenty minutes later if his wall watch went correctly the pressure sank a bit. Taking great care of walking as silently as her body aloud her she went out of the brats' room and toward her own which was on the room above. She didn't dare breathe walking past the kitchen where Sue currently was until she claimed the stairs and made herself safely in side her room and closed the door.

Not really caring of what she wore she put on her old consort shirt from her high school days, and the ripped and oiled stained trousers she used to wear when she help Jacob at the garage before the Swan Slut decided that _her_ best friend and almost little brother was a good replacement until her boy – vampire - toy came back for her. It used to be too big for her, but now seemed to fit perfectly since her change. Even though she wasn't fertile nobody could say that she didn't have the curves and ass to trick the unconscious male instincts that she was. Looking herself in the mirror she decided to put up her wet hair in a bun before pulling out her suitcase from under her bed and started to pack everything that she considered important; photo albums, books, jewelry and so on. She kind of regretted not have hidden her Lamborghini closer to the reservation, but knowing the questions that it would have raised she knew deep down that she had made the right choice - even though she now had to _walk_ with a clumsy big bag all the way to the outskirts of Forks.

Sighting heavily wondered who would be harder to face: her mother or her ex now superior. She concluded after a while that they would tie probably with the same amount whine about tribal duty and honor. Looking down the bag she decided to talk to her mother first the take her bag with her to _Emily's _– she even thought her name with a sneer. People were stupid for not understand her anger towards her cousin _especially_ the pack. Her cousin had chosen to betray everything their relationship stood for the moment she _stole_ Sam. It wasn't that she didn't get the meaning and the functioning of Imprinting - she did. That was the very reason her anger towards the Emily increased the moment she transformed and the tribal story had become more than bed night stories.

No one except her decreased dad had seemed to get _it_. No one seemed to get the fact that in all the books about Imprinting or those which mentioned the notion clearly stated that the Imprint _decided _what _she _(in extremely rare cases _he_)wanted the Imprinter to be to them. There wasn't anywhere written that they _had_ to get sexually involved. A soul mate was a perfect half, _but_ it could be your best friend or sibling not _only _a lover. Which the elders _knew_ and anybody who read and understood the langue would them, but the elders would of course never point out because the Imprints normally produced stronger heirs of Quileute blood. Emily who had grown up with the ledges and stories in extremer portions than she had coming from the Young family who had once been the original Alpha heirs when their blood wasn't 'dirtied'. All Emily had ever had to do was to say that she only wanted to be friends with Sam and he would understood and three months later if she didn't want anything more of their relationship he would have been free to be with whoever he wanted (her) only being tied to Emily to be able to reach his full potential as a shifter one year later as long as she didn't change her mind and reject him completely.

Imprinting had nothing to do with love. It never had. It wasn't romantic in any sense. It had only to do with power, reaching your full potential and being as near immortality as long you kept your imprint alive. If the imprint died and you preformed the right ritual while you still kept your shifter form and absorb their life force making yourself a _pure_ werewolf – a child of the moon - as long as you weren't involved in any way in its death and the imprint loved you in some form so that they would _willingly _scarify their sprit for your immorality. Weather the ancestors had meant it as blessing or curse was truly a mystery as though why they had 'activated' her gen even though she was female. She liked to believe her misfortune was a blessing in disguise, but sixth sense and instincts knew better and recognized what it truly was; a curse beyond the original one.

Walking down the stairs of the small two story house she wasn't surprised to find her mother preparing what looked like Seth's lunch even though he was old enough to seem as a bigger loser then he already was by not buying anything from the school cafeteria or cantering as everybody else. Even though she hated the whole shifter thing she was thankful for rather intimidating mass of muscles it gave him – all though the over optimistic baby face destroyed the effect quite a bit. The bullies had lay off quite a bit since than at least since his transformation. She hated knowing some dick heads tormented her little brother and she could not do a shit about it more than watch the mare humans manhandled him though his thoughts just because Sam had gone all Alpha dictator on her ass forbidding her to even go near those damn bullies _and_ his school. If she didn't know that Sue needed him around she would have taken him and his over accepting ass to Port Angeles with her to stay with her. She knew the twerp would love her weird little temporary baby girl and adorable – not a word she used often - tiger and leech daddy and uncle.

"Hi, mom," she said evenly sitting down at the dining table as though she had just seen her yesterday rather than over half a year ago.

Sue jumped startled in surprise almost dropping the glass she was holding. When she looked up she glared at her first then frowned disapprovingly.

"So have you finally come to your senses and decided to honor your ancestors?" the older woman asked stern voice.

Sue Clearwater was never a woman to display any emotions that displayed any sign of weakness such as relief or worry – especially not worry. Even though they both knew she had been very much so she would never revile it only hide it behind pretty speeches and insults at anyone who wasn't Seth. How this woman ever got together with her late _warm _father would always remain a mystery.

"No, I came back to get my things and tell you that I will only come back here for special occasion with my daughter if there isn't any trivial matter with pack," she said calmly promising herself not to lose her temper.

"If your referring to that child that made you dishonor your family name she has a mother even if the said mother may be dead – she can never be yours. Even though I understand your…condition may make feel as though you have some kind of connection to the orphan, but a mere _child_ isn't as important as your tribe – especially not your _family_. Stop being so selfish and dishonoring our people – _your fathers sprit_ -and give the kid to the social already who can surely find her a more appropriate guardian," she didn't say a word while her mom talked only focusing the pain and anger towards her fists clenching her jaw hard refusing to give in to her emotions.

Standing up she walked to towards her mother ignoring the way she flinches as though she expecting her, her own daughter, to hit her. Kissing the woman who had once made her feel as though she could accomplish anything if she wanted it bad enough cheek she told her goodbye refusing to turn back or listen to Sues' voice she carried her suitcase out of the Clearwater resident. She didn't acknowledge the tears that feel own their own force only focusing to get her cousins house so that she could leave this place as soon as possible. She doubted that ever come back here willingly.

~...~...~...~

She hid her suitcase behind some bushes beside Emily's house and dried her face putting on her ice bitch mask on full force before swinging open the door loudly making everybody inside turn towards her. Being Friday morning the only ones missing were Seth and Jared who would arrive within the coming five minutes. She made a disgusted face as she passed the shit Emily called food. She sat down at the only empty spot in the room which happened to be the armrest next to Jacob. She didn't know if it was a good or bad thing considering she had still not returned his precious bike, but he understood her the most even though he acted as an ass since he had fallen for the Swan Slut.

"Stop acting as though have seen a ghost and didn't sense me before," she sneered inspecting her newly manicured hands.

"Where the hell have you been, _Leah?_!" she didn't flinch at Sam's booming voice nor did she look up from her nails.

"Obviously anywhere but here," she said after taking her sweet time 'thinking' about it.

"We notice," Paul muttered which was a clear indication that Sam was about to lose it – which was rare – because he never otherwise cared how loud he voiced opinion regardless of the situation or disgusting it was.

She looked up and focused her gaze almost mockingly at their all so great Alpha fighting the urge to smirk.

"_Where_?" his voice said that he tolerated no nonsense luckily enough he wasn't using the Alpha slavery shit on her – yet.

"I moved in with Ayah's…godfather when I realized we weren't welcomed here," she said in a way not lying.

"Don't you dare make it seem as though we kick you out or anything Lee-Lee-"

"_Don't call me that_!" she hissed.

They glared at each other for a while before he continued without even apologizing.

"You are too unstable and reckless to take care of a child, and moving in with a stranger only proves my point further."

She didn't know what took over her, but instead of lashing out on him as she was expected to do though violence she hurt him the best way she knew how; though his human side that still loved her. Ignoring her brother and the packs previous Beta walking in though the door she gave them the act of her life.

"_Anthony _isn't a fucking stranger, jackass! I have been dating him for the last year and had been planning to move in later _this_ year, but thanks to you boneheads I had to take his offer earlier then I planned. We met though _Evaline Barks_ – remember her?

"Evaline is Ayahs mother, and I can only assume that she made me guardian when she notice the chemistry between me and her husband's brother who had originally been the only godparent. I don't know what she saw between us, but whatever it was gave us Ayah," she didn't need to fake love and pride that always came to her when she thought about she knew could only be her temporary daughter, "We are family and when 'Tony finally gets the courage to pop the question it will be official. I love him and even though it means being disowned by both my family and pack rather stay the rest o my life without _**you**_ than him."

There was a painful silence. Sam looked as though she had stabbed him. She knew that none of them - especially the stand in Alpha - had ever thought she would get over him and move on even though they were constantly telling - or rather sneering at - her to do just so. She knew that Emily was dying to 'congratulate' her, but the tension in the room restrained her.

_Thank you ancestors – for once._

"You're not leaving the pack," he said tightly but they all heard what he was trying hard not to say.

'_You're not leaving me,'_

"Yes, I 'am"

"No!"

"I've already made up my mind!"

"_**You are not leaving me! I **__**FORBID**__** YOU**_**!**"

It had pure unadulterated Alpha command. She feel forward her body shacking violently as she screamed in frustration and actual hatred before her jaw clenched together. She was on her hands and knees with head pressed down the carpet as she went though the most painful transformation in her life. Tears fell from her tightly shut eyes. She didn't know what they feel for, weather it was for the anguishing physical pain and emotional rape or simply for the explosive anger and hatred. But she liked to think it was the later.

"That's enough Sam!" she could hear Jacobs voice though the blood red haze.

She wished somebody would kill the Alpha, or at least release _her_ from this bloody misery. But when was her prayers ever answered? Fuck she wished she had just let Jay come to Edwards rescue even if that had been the best freaking sex they had ever had – and that was saying something.

"Stay out of this Jacob!" Sam voice was full of authority.

"No! You don't-"

"I told you to _stay out of this_!" the fucking dick with his fucking slavery shit commanded.

She had expected to find him in the same pathetic position as herself, but instead she felt a power so intense fill the house that she find herself almost _grateful_ for her forced position even though her ears flattened themselves impossibly more and her head pressed itself further down and tail more forward. Whatever was happening she knew that she had made the situation impossibly harder and complicated just because her pride didn't let her lie though her teeth and pretend for a week or so that she wouldn't go anywhere before she ran way for good.

"I said _NO_, Uley!" his voice made her almost shit herself. "Let's go, Leah"

And just like that the chains that had held her down let go and her body moved on their own accord. The whole thing was weird, freaky and fucking scary, but who was she to question freedom of all things.

As soon as they were both out of the house Jake transformed and told her to take them to whatever she was going. Still being completely lost in a chaos of emotions and chock she forgot her bag taking off towards her Lamborghini. It wasn't until they stood outside her car in their human form and she thought how small it was for his huge body – when had he become bigger? – that she remembered that she lived with _vampires_. Only to make things worse one of the said vampires was together with the same girl *cough*slut*cough* that he was. Even though the vampires didn't directly live with Ayah and her they were in the penthouse often enough. She mentally swore as forced herself inside the car. The only comfort she had was that even though Jacob hated vampires as much as Sam did he had a _thing_ for Jasper. What exactly made him tolerate the southern blond she wasn't sure, but at the moment she didn't care.

"We need cloths," he stated after a half an hour drive.

"What about the Swan girl?" she couldn't help but ask rather coincidentally ignoring his rather obvious statement.

"…she doesn't _need_ me," he said with un Jacob like defeat after a rather tension filled silent.

"Are you just going to give up?"

"You actually sound as though you _want _me to get Isabella Swan," he laughed without humor.

"I _don't_," she shuddered at the thought of that over-dramatic, obsessed and suicidal bitch together with the sweet and passionate (sometimes jerk) Jacob Black. "I just want you to find what I will _never _get"

He didn't need to ask what she was talking about. They had had this convocation to many times before for him not to.

"I thought you said that this 'Antony' and you were head over heels for each other."

"I did _not_. Besides I lied," she rolled her eyes at the fact he thought otherwise.

"So you live alone with the kid and the kitten,"

"Tiger," she corrected before sighting.

She felt like taking the easy road and let him discover the whole thing for himself rather the explaining it to him now– not that she really knew how without having him transform in her car in the middle of the highway. Looking at him sideways she decided half of the truth out there woulb be better than nothing.

"We live kind of with Jasper – the blond Cullen war vampire," she didn't like the description but it was the easiest way to avoid fallow up questions.

"Why the _fuck_ are you living with a _leech_?" she did not know what to make out of his tone.

"He is having a falling out thing the Cullen's…and Ayah likes him," she answered meekly.

"But-"

"Nobody is forcing you to come with me. if you're not comfortable with my living arrangements I can drop you off somewhere," she snapped she didn't feel like arguing nor defending something he seemed to already made up him mind about.

"No, it's fine…" he said after a while. "Anywhere is better than the rez right now."

"Something I missed?"

"…"

_Fine, if you don't want to talk about it now I will just have to ask later._

She put on the radio. Music was always perfect even though the current song royally sucked. It should be illegal for radio stations and MTV to play songs/videos more than three – once if it's one of those annoyingly catchy ones - times a day inconsiderate of how popular it is.

When they had driven half way to Port Angels still completely in silence except for the voice of Lady Gaga singing in the stereo when she considered changing the car to Edwards so that Jacky-boy could seat bit more comfortable, but she knew that neither rivels would appreciate the others smell.

"So you're really living with…Jasper?" he asked tasting the name carefully in his mouth.

She suppressed the instincts to jump in surprise at the sound at his voice.

"Yep," she answered suppressing the urge to point out the fact that he had more interest to Jasper than the Lamborghini.

"So…how is it?"

"Fun, he is kind of weird but you never get bored with the southern gentleman. But his fucking sexy accent is the most annoying treat after his emo-power because it distracts you every time you want or intend to yell at him," she laughed fondly remembering the time he made her laugh hysterically every time she tried to change the TV channel.

"…sounds…cool, I guess" he said unsurely.

She parked the car the underground garage she figured that they could make their way naked to the penthouse apartment without running into anyone if their timing was right and the high society housewife were at some fancy lunch right now. If they did run into anyone she could always hope that whoever did would be too distracted by Jacobs' abs and impressive dick to notice her.

"Come on!" she urged taking his hand in hers and pulling the spaced out shifter after her.

She wondered what had happened under her absence. He seemed so hallow, and _old_. The love struck cheery boy was gone. If she didn't know better she would say he had lost his will of living. He made her want to hunt down and kill whoever who had lead him to _this_. Even though she liked to blame the Swan Slut for everything bad that had happened she didn't want to believe she had the power do completely destroy the purity of the soul that had once been Jacob.

Squeezing his hand reassuringly she put the key that would lead the elevator her floor and turned. She hopped that whatever would happen it wouldn't ruin the little piece of happiness she had found. Her heart beat faster for every floor they pasted louder and louder. She was gambling everything by letting him into the life that was never meant to be shared with anyone from the reservation. But the crack in the amour around her heart wouldn't let him go back to the place that made him so miserable.

"Promise whatever happens behave," pleaded him when there was only two floors left.

He looked at her as though he was trying to find whatever she was hiding from him, but even so when he couldn't find it he opened his mouth and said "I Promise" just when the door opened.

**A/N mwhahaha cliffhanger :P could not resist – please do not kill me! Rejoice at the fact that I at least updated - after more than a month but updated none the less. **

**Ps. Love you all my readers even though I can't resist to tease you ;)**


	8. The Domino Effect

**A/N tried to write this as fast I could to make up for the weeks I been gone, but will correct it later.**

**Love sweetiiey**

**CHAPTER 8**

**~ The Domino Effect ~**

He didn't bother bathing in the lake before climbing back into his room. Even though he knew he was risking his secret life by coming home reeking of sex and _her,_ but he didn't want to let go of the soothing affect it had on him. He looked at his fiancée on the bed that wasn't used for anything other than sleep before he went into the joint bathroom. Frustration was becoming a bigger part of his emotions for every day he spent here, saw _her_. He knew he could not doge the bullet of his _reality_ forever, but he so desperately wanted to live in the world of pretends. He couldn't let his Port Angeles life get over his head more than he already had. He would only end up hurting more people in the process – he knew that. Yet this one time could not help himself but to be more selfish than he had right to.

Bella wasn't enough. She had been for a good while now. He knew that he was being unfair by not telling her about his own affair when he knew of hers. Justifying it by stating that it didn't matter when she still continued hers when he confronted her would not hold so much longer when he was becoming more attached. Sure he knew that she loved the mutt, but in the end they both knew that she would choose _him_ while he would only take her out of obligation rather than love. Make no doubt that he still loved her, but it didn't feel the same as before - yet he knew that she loved him just the same. What she felt for the mutt was only misplaced lust. The mutt was only yet again a replacement for him which in a way made him pity Black.

Switching on the hot water he wondered what could make such a proud creature bend so low…than again who was he to question it when he was constantly doing the same. He didn't particularly enjoy comparing himself with that _dog_, but even he could see the traits that made them similar when it came to love – to Bella Swan. Jasper had at least said so much. Jasper… He wondered if the blond was going to abandon _everything _for this tainted yet so pure piece of temporary happiness. Jasper had lived long enough to know the rareness of it, but his loyalty…

He let out an aggregated growl. It was only a matter of time before everything fell apart. It was stupid to try to grab and hold on to what was never supposed to belong to creaters as them. If Evaline woke up and claimed Ayah as hers he would lose the closes thing he had to parenthood, if Carlisle or anything forbid _Alice _found out about the kid or Leah it would be hell to pay and a shotgun wedding to Bella - if the La Push pack found out his affair with their pack mate who happened to be their Alpha mutt ex it would be war. All three scenarios had equally much tendency to happen if not separately, all at once. It was just a matter of time before everything turned _really_ ugly.

The tension in the house was impossible to ignore. It was thick enough to cut through, but in the normal Cullen fashion they all pretended otherwise. Carlisle was working extra at the hospital, Emmett was played video games even though doing it without or with anyone who wasn't Jasper made him get bored rather quickly, Rosaline was at garage actually making a car from scratch, Esme was cooking even though Bella usually just picked at it and Bella was listening at him playing her lullaby. It was a typical Saturday afternoon with a ticking pink elephant everywhere you lokked. If it wasn't for the fact that he knew that he would be fallowed and spied on he would have been half way to Port Angeles by now. He was sick and tired of everybody - except for Bella - indirectly starring at him while speculating why he came back reeking sex even though it was quite obvious _why_. Even though he did like the concept of not looking gift horse in the mouth he wondered why nobody had hadn't noticed the shifter smell. He could tell from ALice's thoughts that it was only a matter of seconds before she would burst. She hated not knowing what was going on, but as luck had it that his phone rang just as she was about to start the million and one questions. Not even taking the time to check the id he answered.

"He- " was as far he could get before Jaspers' smug and amused voice interrupted him.

"_You could never guess the surprise that's waiting for you,"_ he sounded s though he could barley hold the laughter at bay which in turn made_ him _nervous.

Before he had time to even ask what the bloody world he had done now Alice snatched the phone right from him. This was not good.

"Jasper?" she asked even though she had obviously heard his voice.

The whole house was silent all listening 'discreetly', but there was only silence at the other end.

"Please, Jazz, talk to me," she begged for once sounding serious.

"_Alice I…."_ he started but the sound of a scream interrupted him.

"_Put down the phone, Jay" _you could hear Leah hiss in the background her voice full of promises of unpleasantness if he did not obey her.

The knots in his stomach that had come when Alice had stolen the phone grew tighter while the indifferent mask he had always been an expert to withhold was threatening to crack.

"_Stop making stupid hand jesters and hand me that thing! Or I swear I will come and get myself!"_It was not an ideal threat because the next second you could hear Jay groan painfully before you could hear both their fustrated huffs and cries; they we wrestling for the damn thing.

_Hung up Jasper before any of you say something stupid!_

He refused to let himself look at anywhere but the piano keys. He was in deep shit the moment that phone call was finished. He knew it was all up to the ones at the other side, but knowing how easily caught up they got in their fights – even though they were friendly – it would take a good while.

"Jasper!" Alice tried again in confusion and very much anger and frustration.

"_Guys what…" _a voice interrupted insecurely which sounded unnerving familiar but for some reason his brain could not make the connection, but before he could even draw the conclusion panicked screams could be heard.

"_NO!" _Leah screamed at the same time as Jasper screamed, _"ALICIA!"_

There was a silence that was very short but detectible before you could hear make a 'oh' full of realization that whoever Jasper was talking to was not him by the use of the middle name.

"_Fuck" _she swore.

"_Just give me the phone," _Jasper said in a combination of both irritation and defeat.

Leah didn't say another word but he could still imagine her with a tense face that refused to admit that she had done soemthing wrong and eyes full of apologizes that would probably never be said out loud.

"_I will come back later this week so that we can…talk"_ he said before hanging up without so much as a goodbye.

He wished he could come up with an excuse to just leave, but knowing them even if he did come up with good one they would still make sure that he wouldn't be able to go anywhere without at least some kind of answer. So he stood up with his normal elegance with the mask on full force and took his phone before the mare frustration would make his so called sister destroy it.

"Edward?"

"Yes, Alice?" he said with a calm that he did not feel on the inside.

He was glad for once that his body was frozen making it impossible for his heart to give him away.

"Where is my husband?" she was at the verge of losing it.

He was tempted to give her the answer he had given her the night before but didn't dare risk it. They all knew at some extent the humans that had put her in that asylum were right in questioning her sanity. Wetting his lips he put his phone back in his pocket and walked with a guarded pace towards his piano not letting a bit of his insecurity show while he considered what what answer would be good enough for his supposted sister.

"His is somewhere in Washington," he said carefully not exactly lying.

"_**Where in Washington?**_" she asked in a way that would have made the Joker proud.

Suppressing a shudder he started playing a calming melody. Not so much for her sake rather than for his own. At least he played the first notes before the pixie like vampire smashed the instrument with her arm. Her right eye was twitching which was _never_ a good sign.

'_**Answer' **_even her thoughts sounded dark.

"I'm not sure…every time we met it's a new location. He only calls and tell me to met him at random places – sometimes alleys," he lied with a steady voice even though he was truly petrified.

"_**Don't lie to me Edward!**_"

"I'm _not_," he made sure he sounded offended at even the prospect at her suggesting it.

'_Careful, Eddy...remember last she went Heath Ledger Joker on Jaspers' ass?' _Emmett mentally asked

He did unfortunately, but he wasn't about to give his – their – secret away, not yet.

"_**Fine**__**! **__**Who is that bitch that was with him than?**_"

"A friend," it was the truth but it still sounded rather pathetic.

He wasn't surprised to find himself pressed against the wall with her iron grip around his throat. It was one of those extremely rare moments he was actually glad to be a vampire – a monster, but most of all already dead.

"_**Don't fuck with me, Edward**_" she managed to make his name sound as a worse curse than the f-word.

He wasn't sure what did it but suddenly he had enough with the pixies tantrums. She had no right to manhandle him just because she lost control over her life and just _had_ to controls others. They all called him the control freak in the family just because he was overprotect yet the notion seemed to slip when it came to her. Ironic that the one who was trying to protect the others - in his own way – was the control freak when the pixie decided everything from how they dressed, where they moved, hunted and even made friends with all though manipulation of her precious 'gift' was more times than others a bigger curse than a gift. Suddenly he realized that the fire in her eyes was not at the prospect of her husband cheating rather at the prospect of losing _her_ control over him. She had broken him to an extent with her constant visions of him slipping when most them were caused by nothing but a mare though that never were meant to be acted upon.

"Trust me I wouldn't want to even if you paid me," he said coldly.

She had inflicted so much pain in Jasper destroying the proud soldier he was supposed to be. She made him weak even though he was stronger than all of them together. Jasper was the one Aro wanted – it had always been; only claiming it to be him and her because he knew that they were the closes to the most feared individual vampire out there. He taught if he had them he could somehow control Jasper while gaining two good 'gifts'.

He gripped her tiny hand and threw her of himself. He didn't feel any notion of guilt doing that just because she was female, her vampirisms made up for that fact. Dusting of invisible dust he looked her dead in the eyes.

"I'm not getting myself involved in _your_ marriage. I have my own relationship to worry about - which I hope you give me the same curtseys of not _continuing_interfering with."

He went and took Bella's hand in his, and pulled the human up from the piano bench and taking her with towards the front door in human peace.

"Why? Are you afraid that I will revile that Edward the Golden Boy has found himself a _lover_?" she asked in a more control manner but the anger was still very much there.

Stopped and turned around looking at her with eyes so cold and condescending that it made her flinch. He was not going to fall right into that trap.

"No," he said evenly. "So that I won't feel the need to tell Jasper that you planned the whole birthday incident to test him even though you knew that with the amount of blood _combined_ with all _our_ blood lust would make it almost impossible for him to do so."

Nobody in the room wanted to believe the accusations they were throwing at each other, but they still stood in mute silent attacking his mind with their thoughts.

"Don't act as though it was me who forced us to move," she hissed.

"No, but you _knew_ the incident would conform my worst fears in expense of crushing the little amount of confident he had left after all of your manipulations," he replayed not missing a beat.

"I don't manipulate him,"

"No, you manipulate all of us. Did you really think that I haven't figured out why you brought Bella to Volterra instead of Carlisle?" his voice was turnig colder for every word.

He had done a lot of evil in his existence, but he had never done what Alice had done. She manipulated a situation that could have turned deadly just to corner him to turn Bella. He had - and still did - not want to turn her to the very _monster_ that he **hated** himself so viciously for being. Why would he when every day he longed for a humanity that he would never receive again?

He had left to protect her and he had refused to turn her for her own good. She was too blinded by inflation and his pheromones to even grasp the meaning of abandoning her blood family, watching friends die and serving only by killing - _needing_ to kill - while constantly fighting the urge to her own demons. She did not understand what they went through every day nor did he expect her to, but at least he wanted to see – _feel _- that she had taken some kind of consideration what her _'death'_ would do to others.

He had let go of his fiancées hand when he turned around, but he didn't bother taking it again when he changed his mind and went towards the stairs. He knew that if he stayed in this room with the small vampire he would say - revel - more than he had, than he should.

Putting on an old Muse CD he rested his form against the window looking out into nothing. The only comfort he could draw from the music was that CDs did have the ability to spoil the tracks as radio stations did.

Fuck, he wished he could go to Port Angel…

~...~...~...~

"Is it true?"

She didn't need to clarify it more than that; it had been the question he had been waiting the last two days. Even though he wanted to lie he knew she deserved to know the truth...or maybe it was a matter of guilt – even the surprising small amount of it.

"Yes," it was curt, short and lacked any emotions.

He did not even feel any regret for doing the same thing she did to him.

"Why?"

"First time was because I needed a distraction from actually killing the mutt who slept – and still sleeping - with my fiancée…" he did not look at her while he talked. "It kept on being so for a good while before it became a convenient way to reveal stress and keep my promise to you; not leaving before you told me so."

"And now?" her voice was small filled with pain which in return made him feel bad.

_I don't know_

"Now it's because you still keep on doing it," he replied feeling the familiar amount of guilt wash right over him, but he did not let the mask fall nor let himself take the almost accusation back.

"So it's my fault," her voice cracked making him slightly finch.

"No, _I _made the choice to go back after the first time instead of confronting you."

"But if I hadn't…" he bit back a sights.

He was starting to truly see her annoying habit of turn everything about her.

"We both made mistakes," he cut her off.

They sat in silence in their meadow looking straight into each other's eyes.

"Who is she?" she asked after a while, her voice barley a whisper.

Before he even had time to open his mouth to answer his phone rang interrupted. He sighted. He was tempted to ignore it but when he saw Leah's name on the id he knew that whatever that it was about it was bad. She _never_ called him. It had _always_ been the other way around.

"Fuck Edward I know I'm not supposed to call, but its 911 situation…" Leah stressed panicked before he had even time to open his mouth. Loud crashes could be heard in the background. "I don't know what happened! One minute Ayah was fine then…" another crash was heard before the line went dead.

He threw Bella at his backside and ran full speed towards the house.

"Edward? What happen?" she asked scared.

"I have to go – I promise to explain everything when I come back" he said not giving any time for a protest

He ran full speed towards the underground garage knowing that nobody would be able to catch up to him before he had at least driven past the second curve with the car if they decided to. Whatever that was happing in the Penthouse it was bound to be really bad. Leah Clearwater was far too proud to ask for help in situation _she _asumed she could handle.

Parking next to her yellow Lamborghini he didn't know what to expect, but almost a full second later after opening the hidden door and run up the stairs he knew that what he found behind the yellow (what was it with her and that color?) was beyond his imagination and the metaphorical box he people kept talking about. It was like Mother Nature had decided to strike back and create a storm so bad it was literally destroying everything in it way including the door he just opened. It was rain, thunder, snow, hail and winds strong enough to break the windows and the middle of the chaos was Ayah colors with pitch black eyes that were red where the white was supposed to be she was in rags soaked from top to toe in blood with a creepy smile dancing on her lips. Jason stood protectively in front of her looking far more intimidating than any baby tiger was supposed to be able to, his fur matched perfectly with her eyes. Around the out disaster laid Jasper _unconscious,_ _bloodied_ and _torn _and heaps of _two _turned shifter in the same condition. He was dumb struck, unable to comprehend the situation or process a force of action. His body was trying to back down and flight as fast and far as possible. Even though he didn't precisely get the situation n his instincts gasped the fact that he was in a situation so far his leg it wasn't even funny. Yet he lost his chance the moment the cat animal saw him open the door. A pain come over him with so much force it hurt to even think bringing him full force down screaming in an agony even Jane of the Volturi could not surpass. The last thing he saw before the darkness consumed him was the girl he had come to view as own combust in a blinding light. He wonder ed if this was how he was going to die before evrything was gone...

~...~...~...~

In La Push something crack to all those who had some kind of bond with Jacob Black and Leah Clearwater making them all lose consciousness, and the same with all those who hand any form of bond with Jasper Whitlock and Edward Mason. None of them stayed so quite long except for those who had the strongest bonds with the four mentioned above; Billy Black, Sue Clearwater, Seat Clearwater, somewhere South of Mexico Maria, Peter, Carlisle, and Sam Uley - even though they weren't a part of his pack any more since Jacob finally embraced his rightful inheritance.

When they all gained their conscious they had all lost the connection that tied them to the shifters/vampires making their souls grief. Nobody wanted to believe whatever that told them that they lost a family member, lover – some ex-lover - pack mate, partner or friend. Yet they could not deny the fact that the bond that tied them all together had been broken.

**A/N what will happen now? XP Lots of love to all my lovely readers - btw don't u just love cliffhangers?**


	9. Beautiful Disaster

**A/N Sorry it's been a while (a good while) bit I could really get together this chapter. Wanted to make it longer, yet it was rather impossible without making it to clash. Will try to update soon**

**With all my love **

**~ sweetiiey ~**

**CHAPTER 9**

**~ Beautiful Disaster ~**

There was a dead silence in the biggest and most grand penthouse apartment at the upper parts of Port Angeles. Even though the neighbors could have sworn that there had been an explosion months ago nothing could indicate such a thing. Everything was in perfect order in the apartment, the only difference was the bodies that lay on the floor as naked as the day they where born and shimmering light dancing on their skin. It was impossible to know that they were still alive because there were no heart beats coming from the two creatures that should nor shallow breaths being taken nor from the two others only humans would assume would need beats or air to indicate that they were still _living_.

They were all as dead to the world and the lives they had once known except for the little girl and tiger that lay curled up between a raven haired woman who held raw beauty that the child had come to love as her mother and bronzed haired man who could only be compared to myth she had come to love as a father. They lied there waiting for them to wake from their unnatural slumber – hopping that they would appreciate the gifts they had been granted, and by default their companions too – praying that they would be strong enough to survive the whole process that came with the transformations. It had been draining to use as much magic she had, but as it had been the year of her birth the burst of magic that filled her and Jason – or Iasthai (Latin Means "To Heal") as his true given name was - every twenty human years had just been enough to grant her wish. She knew it went against _the law_, but she wanted to keep these creatures. She had lost more than she wished to remember the last hundred years since her biological parents had been murdered.

She was feeling her own change together with Iasthai. It wasn't as big as the others, but to her it held a deeper meaning. She would be theirs in every sense and she would _belong_. She would finally have a _home_. Taking a deep breath form her new parents she let her heavy eyelids close as sleep yet again enveloped her in its magic.

~...~...~...~

Sam was growing more and more frustrated, and if his wolf would let him he knew he would feel anger and almost hatred for his imprint. It had gone weeks since that weird fainting thing happened, screaming that something had happed to Jacob and…_his_ Leah. He suppressed the painful thug in his heart when he thought about his once forever. It wasn't fair that Emily was using his tie to her to force him to stay put in La Push while the other searched for their once pack members. It wasn't right. She had nothing to fear yet she acted as though he would leave her for Leah once he - they - had found her…them. As if he could even _if _he wanted to. It was stupid, because even if the whole imprint thing would let go he would still_ choose_ to remain with her. Inconsiderate of how consuming the wolf spirits feelings – if you could even call them that - were he felt how his human side had grown to love her. She had everything and more that Leah had before the dark bitterness filled her heart and made her the cold person she was now. He understood why his wolf had chosen Emily Young for him even though he could not help but to hold on to _his _Leah in the corner of his heart.

He knew that he was looking for the old Leah more than the current one – the one he understood less and less for every day he spent with her. Yet he could not help his desire to want to give next to everything just to get her back to hold her and not feel as though he was betraying his imprint.

Not being able to take it anymore he went out and phrased calling the pack for a meeting. He knew deep down that they were all going to tell him the same thing as they had every other time he had called them back.

~...~...~...~

Leah felt…weird – that was the only way she could put it. She was sweating with heat, but at the same time shivering with cold. She felt like she was flying yet stuck on the ground unable to move. Why couldn't she breathe? And why was her chest felling so hard and heavy? She felt the panic rise. She tried to remember what had happened before she was drowned in this endless darkness - or was it blinding light?

Jacob had been...sleeping…no he had been playing with…Jasper? They where…they where…wrestling for the remote control – or something - while she…was brushing…or had she been…No, she had been trying to teach…while Ayah was…argh! Bone breaking pain drowned her thoughts and overshadowed any pleasant feeling she might have had before. The pain of her first phrase was nothing compared to this. For a split second she was about to give in and let the pain kill her, but a flash of Ayah and… She let out a tortured scream that would have been heard all the way to the deepest depths of Africa if it hadn't been silent. Suppressed by the amount of pain she felt she was the only one who could hear it and most of all feel it. When darkness and true unconsciousness filled her relief flowed though her veins as a summer breeze – like a sweet lullaby.

~...~...~...~

Esme could not deny that she felt more at ease when Edward wasn't around. Even though she had the security of the bond it unnerved her every time she felt the less than split-second rush of lust Carlisle felt Edward whenever he did something that could be considered sensual – which was unfortunately more often than not. But right now when they couldn't sense the golden boy of the family – foremost when Carlisle couldn't – and their black sheep it was growing more and more worrisome - more so for every day Alice could only receive a migraine like syndrome when she tried to see them. They had even resorted to having search parties together with the Denali family, but there were not even trails left of them except one of Edward that only confused them further, and which rain eventually washed away. For the first time since they had come to Forks they cursed the weather which had kept their secret, and not once helped them find those they longed for only succeeding to drive them further apart.

At the second month when Alice had been forced to take Bella away and turn her before the girl accomplished to kill herself with her growing self hatred and blame – neither helping the situation – they had reached a point where they weren't below enough to ask for the shifters help only to find out that two of their members had also gone missing.

It was mortifying for creatures – monster – whom had prided themselves at being better than the other to have to decrease into _begging_ (not so directly but none the less begged) for the others help to find one of their _own_.

It was _wrong_.

It was _humiliating_.

It was _**disgusting**_.

They had already done it one time to many times with the Newborn war with Victoria...but to do so again for members of their families who could as well be dead by now was far more than either of the parties prides could handle. Yet they did for the vain hope that they instincts were for once wrong.

**A/N you are aloud to harass me if I take too long to update again because I know how much it sucks with clifies when you are the reader :P**


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